Tuesday, January 5, 2010

New Year...

January 5th and my first day back to work in the new year...  I'm actually feeling very positive about this year -- so much different than the beginning of my last two new years.  For the first time since Steve died, I believe I am feeling more hopeful about our future than I am about sadness that Steve isn't here for the ride.  I know he'll always be with us -- but I'm really feeling the need to embrace the upcoming year, not live in the past by feeling so sad about Steve that I can't appreciate what I *do* have. 

Bear is doing great in school which is a big relief over last year.  We need to fine-tune some of his math skills but he's definitely catching on.  And he's reading!  EVERYTHING!  They said when it clicked, it clicked -- and wow -- it's clicking :)  I feel like he's finally back -- when Steve died, he stopped for awhile -- but he's definitely coming back. 

I think I'm coming back too which feels so good.  I am so blessed for the nearly 10 years I had with Steve and I will never, ever lose that.  He'll always be a part of me -- always.  But I can also move on and move forward, knowing in my heart that Steve would want that for me.  He'd want that for Bear.  SO -- I'm moving forward without guilt, carrying Steve in my heart every step of the way.  This year holds so much promise and so much potential...  I'm excited! 

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