What day is it again?

I've been asked a few times this week -- what day is it again? I have to remember that not everyone's life, as they knew it, ended on August 7, 2007. My life has been so permeated by that date that sometimes I forget that the rest of the world kept on moving forward.

It's almost unfathomable to me that it's been two years. Two YEARS. So much has changed but so much has remained the same.

His favorite baseball magazine is still in the basket by the lamp... His black dress shoes are still in our closet, on the floor, tucked to the right, where he left them. All of his underwear, socks and old t-shirts with holes are in our closet, neatly boxed up. His toothbrush, deodorant and Listerine are still on the side of the sink.

Our yard, that used to be a pile of dirt with a vague brick pattern and dead grass is now a beautiful oasis of bouganvillia, hibiscus and green grass... The side of the house used to be dirt and weeds -- it's now a concrete RV pad with a pop-up camper on top. We used to have Clancy, Calli and Elliot, our feline companions. Clancy died under our bed, I had to have Calli put to sleep last November when her cancer worsened and Elliot now slithers downstairs to stay out of Yogi's sight. And Yogi -- how can I forget the Twinkie with fur? Our sign "Don't Trip Over the Guard Dog" is also new.

The home is the same, yet the furniture has changed a little. The cars are the same, but they're not nearly as clean or organized as they were when Steve was alive. There are baseball card boxes all around the house, just like when Steve died, but unlike him, I have no idea who the players are, their stats or what they're famous for. Our bedroom has changed -- on the one year anniversary, I completely transformed our bedroom (new bed, mattress, furniture, etc) because I felt the need to have one place in our home that was just for me. I'm glad I did it, but sometimes I still miss walking in and seeing his things on his side of the bed... Well, it's still "his" side of the bed. It will always be... And I still hog the whole bed -- there's just no one to tell me to move over.

I miss having a husband and I miss my son having a Daddy. I miss the humor he brought to our family and I miss the love he brought to our marriage. I miss having someone to talk to when I get home from work. I miss the look on Bear's face when we'd walk in the door to find that Steve had spent 2 hours putting all of his wooden blocks and toy cars into a race scene in the middle of the coffee table -- just so Bear wouldn't miss him too much when he went to nights. I miss saying "they're YOUR family -- YOU deal with them!" when I'd grow tired of his mother and sister's antics. I miss having him fix the toilet and I miss the loud chuckle he'd let out when he'd ask me to bring him a screwdriver and I'd yell back "plus or minus?!" I miss him having dinner ready when I got home, and I miss waiting for him to get home. I miss helping him with eBay and getting frustrated at the fact that he typed 7 words a minute. I miss fighting with him -- and I really miss making up. I miss my best friend and the father of our son...

I miss.....everything.

I love you babe and miss you in a way that words can't possibly describe... August 7, 2007 is the day my life, as I knew it, ended -- it's also the day that I realized just how much I loved you... I feel so blessed to have been your wife.

Love,

Me