Almost 3 years...

I miss Steve so badly it hurts sometimes.  I've learned so much over the last three years -- about myself, my husband, my marriage, our son, friendship, family, what is important -- and what is not. 

When Steve died, I knew I wouldn't last a day, but I did.  Then I thought I wouldn't last a week, but I did.  Then a month.  Then a year.  Holidays.  Birthdays.  Anniversaries.  And now -- I am coming up on three years.  THREE.  YEARS.  THREE YEARS.  3 years.  No matter which way I type it or say it, it just doesn't seem possible.  It's been nearly three years since I saw him, kissed him, held his hand, woke up next to him.  He was my everything -- he was mine and I was his.  Our love was simple yet solid -- I just always knew he'd be there.  He'd always have my back and I'd always have his. 

I hear people complain about their husbands.  I'm sad because I used to be that way too -- I'd complain about his socks not hitting the hamper, how much time he spent pursuing his baseball hobby, how I'd have to nag him to do yard work.  I wish instead of nagging him about these things, I wish I would have praised him more about all of the wonderful things he did.  How he was a fantastic father and phenomenal husband.  How I appreciated his faithfulness to our marriage and to our family.  Instead of nagging him about how much time and money he spent pursuing baseball memorabilia, I wish I would have appreciated the passion he had for the sport.  While his mother and sister drove me nuts, I wish I would have appreciated more how devoted he was to them -- because it was a mirror of how devoted he was to our own family.  Life is too short.  Stop bitching and start appreciating.