I really can't wait for New Year's to be here... Part of it is that I'm going to San Diego for 4 days...but the other part is that since Steve died, Christmas and the holidays are just so hard! It's one memory after another -- one day, I expect comfort and peace to come from those memories, but for now it's just heartache. I am finding some things to be grateful for this year -- which are helping with the heartache -- but they're coming from odd places.
One place of peace is coming from that fact that I am newly unemployed! Yup -- I got laid off on November 20th -- 7 days before Thanksgiving and just 2 days before I boarded a plane to visit Oregon for 9 days. I'm enjoying the break -- missing the paycheck but really enjoying a chance to exhale for awhile. I had the month of November off last year but that was due to a mental breakdown! Wasn't exactly in functioning mode. And I was sick last August with pneumonia -- again, not exactly a break. But this is sorta nice... I'm able to drop Bear off at school in the mornings and I get to pick him up when he gets out -- no AM/PM program for awhile. Yesterday, we made cookies when he got home from school -- another first.
I'm getting things done around the house that are lllooonnnggg overdue. Who knew I had a laundry room! With a utility sink! I cleaned it out the other day -- even moved the washer and dryer to sweep underneath and wow! It's sparkly and clean in there -- who knew. Today, it's beautiful outside -- about 40 degrees and due to rain tonight so I'd better act quickly but I want to clean out the garage. Okay, okay -- those of you who have seen the garage know that I can't clean it OUT in a day. But I may be able to find a corner where I can have a toe-hold! Not even asking for a foot-hold -- a toe will do!
Last year, my Christmas decorating consisted of whatever Bear picked up with $10 bucks at the dollar store. This year, with a jug of margaritas and a box of Kleenex, I managed to get our tree up. I ended up having to buy a new tree -- the top broke off our old one a few years ago and it was way too wide -- I'd have to move just about every piece of furniture in my living room to accomodate it. Which, with Steve, wasn't a big deal but I just didn't want to do it. The biggest reason for the new tree was that there were just too many memories associated with the old one. I know, it's just a fake tree -- but it was OUR fake tree. For many years.
I ended up shopping every store in town and found a beautiful Martha Stewart tree at K-Mart. It's pre-lit with 1000 lights (gotta have my lights!), and it's 9 feet tall - but also converts to 7 1/2 feet should I move somewhere some day without cathedral ceilings so it should be our tree for many years. I cried with every ornament -- but I did it. I had no idea we had so many ornaments that were baseball themed -- those were hard. Even harder were the personalized ornaments with all of our names on them, or the special ones that Steve gave me each year. BUT, I did it.
We also decorated a little outside -- I put lighted garland around the door frame, a poinsettia wreath on the screen door and we blew up the 9' snowman for the front yard. Add red & green lightbulbs by the garage door and we look festive. Didn't have the energy to run lights all over the bushes and trees this year -- maybe next year.
So, I'm enjoying some time off and will look for a job after the first of the year. I've sent out a few resumes but there just isn't much to choose from right now - I'm hoping things will open up after the first of the year.
Bear's had some big milestones... He just turned SIX!!! We celebrated by having a party at Peter Piper Pizza with 20 friends -- it was a zoo but it was FUN! Grandma bought him a big boy bike for his birthday while we were in Oregon -- she just shipped it home so I'll take it down to a bike shop this week and have it reassembled. He's going to have a ball with it! He's also lost TWO teeth -- his first, the day before Thanksgiving and the second, ON his birthday (December 10th). We went to a soup & salad place (his choice!) and he bit into a brownie -- and oops! Off to the bathroom we ran, bloody napkin held up to his mouth. Quite a sight...
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